


You and Me are like Drugs and Candy

by LoeyBlossom



Category: EXO (Band), NCT (Band)
Genre: ((but it's clear they love each other very much)), (not really sure how to tag that tbh), Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Blood, also it's only tagged as teen and up bc of the blood and injury mention, at home stitch job, cause all I know is how to make titles from songs, honestly... not even Johnny and Sehun know what their relationship is, implied gang au, it's not that in-depth, non descriptive injury, title from Drugs & Candy by All Time Low
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:48:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26991661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoeyBlossom/pseuds/LoeyBlossom
Summary: When Johnny is startled awake by a pounding on his front door, he already knows who to expect on the other side.There is only one person on this entire planet who would be at his doorstep in the dead of night.Oh Sehun.
Relationships: Oh Sehun/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	You and Me are like Drugs and Candy

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is 100% inspired by a prompt from Whumpster-dumpster on tumblr. I was given permission from the owner of the blog to use her prompt and post it on here. The prompt is:
> 
> “Hey, Caretaker.”
> 
> “You’re getting blood on my couch.”
> 
> “…That’s it? No asking where I’ve been for the past [x] months?”
> 
> “Well, you’re back, aren’t you? And you’re getting blood on my couch. Go to the chair or get on the floor, I don’t care.”

When Johnny is startled awake by a pounding on his front door, he already knows who to expect on the other side.

There is only one person on this entire planet who would be at his doorstep in the dead of night.

Like every other time this same occurrence has happened, Johnny calmly peels back his comforter so he can leave the warmth of his bed. It’s winter, the nights harsh with freezing temperatures that the shabby heating system of his apartment complex can’t chase off.

Johnny unhurriedly makes his way into the living room where he hears another round of knocks. He knows what to expect. It’s the same sight almost every time. With a silent exhale of breath, Johnny finally unlocks the door before opening it.

Leaning his entire weight against the side of the wall with an arm wrapped tightly around his waist is Oh Sehun. 

In all honesty, Johnny has no clue as to what he should label Sehun as. He assumes that the closest term he can come with is friends with benefits, but it’s different. The gentle touches, the sweet whispered words, the fond gazes. They don’t fit in the definition of friends with benefits at all, especially when the times Sehun shows up isn’t because he wants sex.

They’re not a couple either, or maybe they are, but then again, they also don’t fit in the typical definition of being a couple either. Normally, one part of the couple doesn’t go missing with zero word and appears again out of thin air, usually with some kind of injury. Couples usually communicate with one another to let them know where their whereabouts are. That’s not the case with Johnny and Sehun.

Also, in all honesty, Johnny doesn’t even know if Sehun has been with anyone else when he’s not by Johnny's side. He never asks if Sehun has ever slept with anyone else. He just knows that Sehun will always come back to him in the end. 

What’s that saying? If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours.

Sehun is his.

Johnny remains silent as he holds the door wide enough for Sehun to shuffle in. He shivers when a blast of winter air forces its way inside the small apartment. Of course, Sehun would come back at a time where, if he didn’t have Johnny, he probably would have froze to death in the streets.

Sehun automatically limps over to the couch. Johnny has had it since he moved into the apartment two years ago. He found it on the side of the road, putting the sofa’s actual age to who fucking knows. It’s a bit uncomfortable due to wear and tear, but it does its job and Johnny was able to pay rent on time with the money he had saved from not buying a new couch.

“Hey,” breathes Sehun, shattering the silence surrounding the two. His head is tilted back against the back of the couch, not even bothering to meet Johnny’s eyes. He doesn’t expect anything less when it comes to Sehun.

“You’re getting blood on my couch,” states Johnny bluntly. He stands in front of the male, arms crossed tightly over his chest as he glares at Sehun’s ragged state.

“That’s it?” Sehun groans but lifts his head to stare at Johnny. “No asking where I’ve been for the past three months?”

“Well, you’re back, aren’t you? And you’re getting blood on my couch. Go to the chair or get on the floor, I don’t care.” Johnny points to the wooden table that’s tucked into a corner of the apartment. Around it are two wooden chairs. He can’t afford his couch getting dirtied from blood. Well, the correct statement should actually be ‘dirtied with more blood’. He’s already had to scrub blood stains out of it before.

But it’s a lie. He does care. He cares so fucking much that it pains him. He knows he can’t tie Sehun down to him, thus this is why this keeps happening. 

“I thought you would have missed me at least a little bit,” Sehun huffs, head dropping back against the couch as if it’s taking too much energy to hold it up.

“Just shut the hell up,” Johnny hisses, turning around so he can fetch his first aid kit. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Sehun struggling to get back up.

He did. He did miss him. The past few months without Sehun were lonely. Fall faded out and winter harshly replaced it, just like always. This has been the longest that Sehun had been gone for. Oh, how Johnny wishes he could replay the last tender moments he experienced with Sehun before he disappeared again.

How Sehun was startled by a leaf drifting down in front of him. How he almost tripped over a dip in the pavement, nearly spilling the coffee he hadn’t even taken a sip of yet. How he so softly held Johnny’s hand when he complained that one hand felt warm because of the coffee he was holding and the other was cold from the autumn breeze.

The only reason why Johnny has a medical kit in the first place is because of Sehun. After the third time of Sehun coming to him with a number of bruises and scrapes, he invested his money in the kit. Each time, he tells Sehun to stop whatever he’s doing, whatever he’s a part of that causes him to be MIA for days, weeks, months at a time. It doesn’t stop. He never listens.

Johnny slips back into his bedroom where the kit is stashed under his bed, out of sight and out of mind until it’s next needed. He takes a second just to stare at the top of his bed where he knows that underneath, his sheets are still warm and inviting with his trapped body heat.

It would be so easy just to crawl back in, leave Sehun to suffer on his own. Maybe if he ignores him this time, he will leave and Johnny will be alone in his apartment once again. Maybe tonight is the night where he gives up on trying to fix Sehun. The night where he finally cuts all ties and stops loving Sehun once in for all.

He sighs deeply, all the air escaping his lungs while he rubs fists over his tired eyes. He knows that he can’t leave the guy half conscious and bleeding out in his living room. If he ends up dying, how the fuck is Johnny going to explain that to the police? 

Johnny tries to fool himself into thinking that he’s only patching up Sehun just to save his own ass so the idiot doesn’t fucking die. He’s definitely not doing this because, no matter what, a piece of him will always love Sehun. Even the tiniest sliver of love he has in his heart will always win against his brain screaming at him “Don’t let him in! Tell him you’re officially done!”.

As he drags out the kit from under the bed, his arms start to feel weak. Mentally preparing himself, he grabs the handle so he can pick it up. He stumbles standing up, the kit suddenly feeling like it weighs 100 pounds. A another sigh so deep his chest aches from it escapes his mouth before he silently leaves the bedroom.

By now, Sehun has managed to move himself onto one of the wooden chairs. Discarded right by his feet is a small pile consisting of his leather jacket and bloody shirt. The attire doesn’t do much to protect from the cold, but Johnny supposes it’s better than nothing.

“How the hell did you even make it here?” questions Johnny when his eyes automatically find the stab wound in his stomach. 

Much like how Johnny bought the medical kit, he’s also read dozens of articles about stab wounds. The first time Sehun came to him with one, he almost passed out from how badly he was worrying and panicking. Sehun guided him through the process of patching him up even though his fingers were shaking like a leaf in a hurricane. Sehun reassured him about one billion times that he would be okay, and he was.

By now with all his reading, Johnny knows where stab wounds can be most fatal. He one time even bought a suture kit where he practiced with a thread and needle on how to stitch wounds. His on the whim purchase proved to be an excellent buy when two weeks later Sehun showed up with a slashed arm he got from a glass shard used as a weapon.

“Pure adrenaline.” Sehun sags against the wooden chair, leaving his torso fully exposed. Johnny has to force himself not to look over his body where he knows that a handful of scars litter his skin. Once this wound heals, it will just be another one added onto the tally.

“One day, pure adrenaline won’t be able to save you,” says Johnny quietly. He refuses to meet Sehun’s eyes, instead keeping them laser focused on opening the first aid kit.

“I know,” Sehun whispers. It sounds like he just said it on an exhale, like Johnny wasn’t supposed to hear it. 

But he did.

Those two words tear out Johnny’s heart. It makes him want to throw the kit against the wall in rage and grab Sehun by the face to force him to face him and tell him he’s there for him. To tell him that whatever the fuck he’s doing isn’t worth all the ugly bruises, cuts, and stab wounds that miraculously miss vital organs and blood vessels. To tell him that Johnny loves him so, so much and that if Sehun will just stay with him forever then he’ll promise not to let any more harm come his way. To tell Sehun that it’s okay to settle down with him and live a normal, domestic life and continue doing all those sappy romantic things they do when everything between them feels normal.

“You know, it actually probably would be easier to lay on the floor.” Johnny swallows the lump in his throat and blinks away the tears building up. He pretends like he didn’t hear the words. He can’t break down. Not now.

“I think I’m gonna need some help this time,” admits Sehun. He sounds exhausted. The struggle to get from the couch to the chair must have sapped more of the energy he barely has left. Though Johnny only dared to take a glance at him when he opened the door, the dark bags under his eyes were impossible to miss. 

The last time he saw Sehun, his eyes were so full of life. They were warm and sparkling when the sun shone upon his face. They disappeared into little crescents when a smile stretched across his face. Johnny loves that look on him best. Like that, he looks like the happiest person in the world, and it makes Johnny’s heart tingle knowing he is responsible for that smile.

Johnny mentally curses himself for not telling Sehun just to lay on the floor in the first place. Still, he turns to face Sehun. When his eyes accidentally catch his, he freezes.

The only way Johnny can truly describe Sehun right now is as a kicked puppy. The eye bags stick out like a sore thumb against his naturally pale skin. It makes him appear that he’s only a few steps away from death’s door. On his left cheek is even more purple coloring from a bruise. Thankfully, Sehun’s nose isn’t crooked and dripping blood. Last time, it was.

His eyes flash with guilt when Johnny’s eyes connect with his. Through the exhaustion and pain, Johnny can read the regret and the ‘I’m sorry's Sehun doesn’t have the strength to utter. If Johnny had the will to stare longer, he would have found the admiration buried deep within those brown eyes he loves so much.

Sehun cares. He does. He disappears because he doesn’t want any harm to come to Johnny. If Johnny knew what was really happening in his life, Johnny wouldn’t be safe anymore. He’s trying. He’s trying to put this life behind him, but Johnny doesn’t understand how hard it is for him to do so. He can’t know. Johnny would be in danger if he did.

“Let’s get you up, then.” Johnny breaks eye contact, casting his eyes to the floor he hasn’t swept in about a week. His mind wanders briefly to how it needs to be cleaned, much like with the rest of his apartment. There are dishes piled in the sink, trash scattered on the coffee table, and he’s slowly running out of clean clothes. He’s snapped back to reality when Sehun shifts in his seat. He offers his arms out to the male.

Without speaking a single word, Sehun accepts Johnny’s outstretched hands. Johnny helps pull him up, the action causing a pained groan to escape Sehun’s lips. He takes a second to collect himself before he takes small steps. Johnny supports his weight with an arm lightly wrapped around his waist as they shuffle to the carpeted floor. 

In the midst of winter, Sehun still radiates warmth. His skin is smooth, the feeling of it soothing to Johnny. He can’t count the amount of times he’s just mindlessly traced his fingertips over Sehun’s bare skin after sneaking his hand under his shirt when cuddling or even after intimate moments. It’s calming. It’s reassurance that, at that moment, he still had Sehun.

Johnny forces the memories swarming him away. Maybe once Sehun is all patched up they’ll create their own little bubble of normalcy, but now is not the right moment. Right now, Johnny has to play nurse for what feels like the hundredth time. 

He’s not a nurse in any way, shape, or form. He’s a 24 year old man who dropped out of high school and gets by by working at a local family owned coffee shop. To this day he thinks the owner could read the blatant desperation he had on his face during the interview and took pity on him so she hired him. 

“Here.” After helping lay Sehun onto the floor, Johnny grabs a throw pillow to tuck under his head.

“Thanks.” Sehun’s eyes are blinking up at Johnny. A few times, his mouth parts slightly before pressing tightly shut again. It’s clear he wants to say more than just that, but it appears that the words are stuck.

“You worry me,” Johnny speaks, just to put the words out there. It’s a reminder to show Sehun that he still cares and will always do so.

They dissolve into silence after that. Johnny pays no mind to Sehun’s lack of answer as he inspects the wound. Just like all the other times, though bloody, it hasn’t punctured anything major. It’s a bit stomach churning to look at, but Johnny has grown used to the bloody sights by now. 

He leaves Sehun’s side so he can retrieve a wet washcloth to wipe the blood away. On his way back to Sehun, he picks up the medical kit. It’s packed filled with all sorts of gauze, bandaids, disinfectants, and pain killers.

By the time he returns, Sehun’s eyes have slipped shut. He wouldn’t be surprised if he had fallen asleep just like that. Here, Sehun can let his guard down and sleep soundly. He knows he’s safe with Johnny.

Johnny delicately runs the warm washcloth over Sehun’s skin. He erases every trace of blood remaining on the milky skin. With each gentle swipe, Johnny feels more reassured that Sehun is going to be okay. He prays that his stab wound won’t cause future complications because Johnny won’t know what to do then, but right here, right now, everything is going to be alright. 

When he’s done with the washcloth, he carelessly tosses it to the side so he can begin disinfecting the wound. He hates this part since it causes more pain for Sehun. Obviously, the alcohol is needed, but everyone knows it stings like a bitch when it’s dabbed on.

Johnny removes the bottle of rubbing alcohol that he stashed in there along with the cotton ball filled bag. Twisting the lid off, he douses one cotton ball in the liquid.

“You already know this is going to sting,” he forewarns the unconscious male. He brings the soaked cotton ball to the wound where he presses it to it with feather light pressure.

Sehun flinches as the alcohol seeps into his wound. His eyes scrunch in pain, a hiss leaving his mouth the entire time Johnny cleans up the injury. It makes Johnny’s heart ache that he can’t do more to take away the pain. All he has is basic drug store pain killers, not anything like morphine that will take effect almost right away.

“I- I think it might need stitches,” says Johnny, voice a little shaky when he’s done disinfecting it. With the area all cleaned up, it’s easier for Johnny to inspect the stab wound.

Johnny has already had to stitch up Sehun a few times, but he had no choice but to do so. Since he’s unable to take Sehun to the hospital, Johnny had to do his own research on how to do a simple stitch that will get the job done. It’s really nothing that complicated, but it still causes unease in Johnny whenever he has to do it. He never imagined in his life that he would learn how to do stitches.

“Fuck, okay,” groans Sehun. He honestly had figured the wound required some. It’s better that the wound is stitched closed instead of waiting for it to heal naturally. Leaving the wound open makes it easier for infection to occur. Infection then leads to a whole lot of other serious issues.

“It just needs a few, though. I’ll be right back.” Johnny collects the used cotton pads and dirty washcloth and stands up. He has another kit that’s specifically for his stitching items. It’s under his bed as well. 

He throws the washcloth in the sink before discarding the cotton balls in the trash. Making his way back over to his bedroom, he lets out another heavy sigh. Each time, he wonders when this will end. He wonders with each visit which one will be the last. He prays that the last visit will happen because Sehun finally decided to leave the life he is currently living, but there’s always that chance that it might be because he didn’t get to Johnny fast enough.

The thought of that happening makes Johnny feel sick to his stomach. He tries to be hopeful. He wants to believe that Sehun, no matter what, will always come back to Johnny so he can have that peace of mind that he’s still alive. Johnny won’t know what to do if Sehun ended up dying. There would be no way for him to find out. That thought brings Johnny physical pain, making his heart feel like it’s going to cave in.

He kneels down on the carpet again, refusing to glance at his digital clock that’s on his nightstand. He knows if he looks at it, it will wear him out even more. He knows it’s too goddam early in the morning. He wishes he was still sleeping instead of doing this. Though, no matter how hard he wants to try, he can’t deny Sehun.

Coming back into the living room, Johnny sees that Sehun closed his eyes again. Carefully, he pads back over to him, settling onto the floor with the smaller kit. His motion causes Sehun to peek his eyes open. He watches Johnny as he opens the kit and pulls out a tube of numbing gel.

Wordlessly, Johnny squeezes out a hefty amount to spread around the wound. Sehun can’t help that the soothing strokes of his lover’s fingers as he spreads the gel are lulling him back to sleep. It feels so comforting with how delicately Johnny pets along his skin. He wishes the cold gel wasn’t there so he could feel the warmth of Johnny’s fingertips against his bare skin.

“Okay, it needs to sit for thirty minutes,” Johnny announces when he’s finished applying the medicine. He stands back up to rip off a piece of paper towel so he can wipe his hand from the gel.

“Do you want some water?” he then asks. There’s nothing more he can do until the numbing gel does its job.

“Yes, please,” Sehun’s exhausted voice drifts to him.

Johnny opens his fridge to grab two water bottles. He twists the cap off one immediately, taking mouthfuls and letting the cold water refresh him the slightest bit. Cracking the cap as he enters back into the living room, Johnny sets the second bottle onto the floor before searching through the kit.

“Here.” Johnny pulls out a bottle of pain medication. The bottle rattles as he shakes two white pills out into his palm.

Seeing what Johnny is doing, Sehun obediently opens his mouth for Johnny to pop the pills in. As he does, his fingers brush against his mouth the faintest bit. It’s tender, and if Sehun had the energy left, he probably would have shivered at how even the small touch was enough to create sparks within his body.

The whisper of touch is then gone, replaced with Johnny holding up Sehun’s head enough to take a few sips of the water to wash down the medicine. He’s extremely grateful for all Johnny has done for him. He doesn’t deserve the love and gentle care he’s given each time he shows up battered and bruised. He deserves to have the door slammed in his face the second Johnny sees him, but he knows Johnny will never do that to him.

“Thanks,” Sehun breathes out once he has drunk a bit. He had about a quarter of the water.

“You should really rest now,” urges Johnny after he runs his thumb over a drop of water running down the corner of Sehun’s mouth. The touch is soft, intimate. It’s another way of letting Sehun know how much he still cares. Many times Johnny had to clean up Sehun’s messy face when he was over excited to eat. He loves when Sehun becomes so excited over something so simple like food.

“Okay.” Sehun’s eyes connect with Johnny’s again. It’s crystal clear to detect the sheer amount of worry Johnny has for him. It guilts Sehun knowing he causes so much stress and worry for Johnny. He loves the man, he truly does, and that is why he can’t drag Johnny into his business. 

Johnny’s expression softens this time when their eyes meet. The longer Sehun is here, the harder it is for Johnny to hold back his emotions. It’s impossible. When Sehun arrived here his snarkiness only lasted a whole of five minutes before he was consumed by his overwhelming concern for the male.

Johnny wordlessly brings up his left hand to brush over the apple of Sehun’s cheek. The right side of his face is bruised, but not nearly as much as his left. For sure, someone took a hard swing at him. He should have offered ice to Sehun, but his stab wound was the bigger concern. Besides, he knows, by now, that Sehun can handle the throbbing pain his cheek must be in. He’s adapted to dealing with all the pain he endures.

There are no words spoken as Johnny continues to stroke along his cheek bone. His hand delicately curves around Sehun’s cheek. It’s comforting to feel the warmth that his skin lets off. Sehun is still alive. He is well. Johnny still has him right now.

Slowly, Sehun’s eyes begin to droop. His eye lashes flutter as if he’s trying to force himself awake just so he can keep staring at Johnny. Johnny mentally huffs at how stubborn he is to not just fully give into sleep. He bends down, enough so that he can place a peck upon Sehun’s chapped lips.

“Sleep now, okay?” he whispers. He straightens up, gazing back into Sehun’s eyes. His eyes glimmer brighter due to Johnny’s actions as he nods the slightest bit. Johnny’s heart unwillingly starts to pound at the spark in his eyes. Sehun still likes him.

As soon as Sehun’s eyes finally shut, Johnny gives one last pet along his cheek before he removes his hand. As silently as possible, he gets up from the carpet. He grabs his unfinished water bottle and chugs more it while being extra careful not to crinkle it. 

Finishing it, he tosses it into the trash then heads into his bedroom. Along the way he takes a peek at Sehun whose eyes remain shut. Good, this time he can hopefully stay asleep. 

Johnny throws himself onto his bed. A groan leaves his mouth, his body sagging into the mattress. He feels a huge weight on him, but he disperses it by spreading out like a starfish. He wishes he could take a power nap as well, but he knows that if he does so, he won’t want to wake up again. 

Or, maybe this is all a dream. His brain might have created such a vivid dream that Johnny feels like he’s experiencing it in real life. He must miss Sehun so much his brain is giving him the chance to see him again, even if it might be just through a dream. 

The ache in Johnny’s heart is how he knows this, in fact, is all very real. Every time he dreams of Sehun he wakes up to his insides feeling hollow and his chest feeling tight. Besides, every time he has dreamed of Sehun, it’s always pleasant.

Inside his nightstand drawer is a journal. If he dreams of Sehun, he’s quick to jot down everything he remembers of it. His favorite dream so far is one where they adopted two puppies. Originally, they only adopted a white one, but one day Sehun arrived back home cradling a small lump of brown fur. He claimed he had seen the puppy about to run into the street, but he was quick enough to snatch it before it got hit. Johnny knows that in the dream that the dogs had names, but he sadly couldn’t remember that detail when he awoke. 

All of the dreams create hope within Johnny. A part of him believes that dreams, in a way, can predict the future. The domestic dreams he has are all very achievable. There was one time he dreamt they moved into a better apartment where, this time, Sehun lived with Johnny and was there to stay. Another time he dreamt they went to Jeju island and spent all day at the beach while eating the island’s delicious cuisine. 

It keeps Johnny going and makes him believe that every day is one step closer to having Sehun once and for all. Some might laugh at him and claim Sehun will never change, but he believes there will be a day where he does. Where Sehun appears on his front step unscathed and smiles at Johnny while asking if he can live with him.

Johnny has dreamed of that day multiple times, and it always ends with him hugging Sehun tightly with tears in his eyes while chanting ‘Yes, yes you can’. Those kinds of dreams always leave Johnny waking up with a bittersweet feeling settled in his veins. ‘One day’, he always whispers to himself in the pitch black room, ‘one day’.

In what feels like the blink of an eye, half an hour has passed. Johnny peels himself off his bed, flipping the comforter back so it’s easier for him to tuck Sehun in once he forces the other into bed. The weight settles back on top of his shoulders and it drags him down. His brief rest was nice, but now it’s back to work.

Tiptoeing into his living room, Johnny finds Sehun still asleep. He makes no sound as he walks up to the male. Thankfully, he finally appears to be in a deep sleep with how evenly his chest rises and falls. Johnny prays that he continues to be knocked out as he stitches him up. Hopefully the numbing gel and pain medication have taken their full effect. 

Johnny turns to the medical kit with his materials inside of it. He pulls out everything he needs before shutting it and placing the items on top. Then, he grabs the bottle of rubbing alcohol and cotton balls so he can sterilize everything before he starts. 

He threads the needle on the first try. He’s practiced doing the action dozens of times so he won’t have to struggle for five minutes trying to get it through. When he’s done threading it, he sets it down so he can wipe down the tweezers and clamp he will be using. The final thing he then has to do is wipe the needle. 

Finally set, Johnny shifts himself into a better position where he can easily stitch. In his right hand, he picks up the clamp that’s holding the needle while his left holds the tweezers. He takes a deep, calming breath before he carefully pushes the needle into Sehun’s skin.

He pauses for a second, waiting for Sehun to cry out in pain. When he remains silent and motionless, Johnny breathes a sigh of relief that the numbing gel/ pain medication/ sleeping combo is working efficiently.

Pulling the needle through, Johnny then takes the clamp and loops the thread twice over it. Taking the other side of the string, he pulls it through before he loops once more to secure the stitch. Johnny has done it so many times on the practice model and on Sehun that he should feel confident in his new found ability, but no matter what, he still feels uneasy.

It only takes four more stitches for Johnny to feel comfortable that the injury will heal without an issue. For the very last step, he pulls out a huge band aid that will cover the entire row of stitches. Sehun stayed completely still for the entire process, which he’s thankful for. However, he doesn’t have the heart to just leave him on the floor like this. He’ll have to wake him up and help him get settled down.

“Hey, Sehun, wake up.” Johnny gently nudges his arm. It takes a few tries, but Sehun’s eyes eventually begin to open.

“Done?” he asks groggily, eyes struggling to focus on Johnny.

“Yeah. Wanna sleep in an actual bed, now?” Johnny asks in a soft voice.

“Yeah.” Sehun blinks slowly up at him.

“Let’s get you up, then.” 

Johnny helps Sehun sit up. Sehun whimpers at the action. The basic drug store pain medication is only good against headaches and mild aches, not a stab wound. The pills might have dulled some of the pain, but he knows Sehun is still hurting. Johnny wishes there is more he can do.

“Want me to carry you?” Johnny asks, voice low. If he carries Sehun, less stress will be put on his injury. Besides, at this rate, he’s sure that Sehun no longer has the strength to walk, even if it’s just a few feet.

“Please.” Sehun stares up at him, eyes still bleary from the nap he just took. 

“Hold on tight.” This time, Johnny’s voice is so full of affection for the man in front of him. 

Sehun looks so tiny and he wants nothing more than to coddle him. Here he is, completely unguarded in front of Johnny. Even though he hates seeing Sehun like this, it brings Johnny a sense of relief knowing that Sehun trusts him enough to allow him to take care of him in such a state. There’s no telling if Sehun would have made it alive this long without him coming to Johnny.

Johnny slides an arm under his knees with the other snaking around his back. Lifting with his knees, he stands back up, gingerly adjusting Sehun in his arms for better grippage. Instantly, Sehun loops his arms around Johnny’s, shoving his face into his neck a second later. Against the skin of his neck, Johnny feels a puff of air as Sehun sighs.

Johnny doesn’t comment on how Sehun feels feather light. He tries to ration that his at home workouts have been proving well and that’s why it’s no struggle to lift Sehun, but he can’t deny how his ribs are starting to become outlined. Last time he left his cheeks were chubby, a healthy amount of weight put on him from street food and Johnny’s cooking. It’s frightening how only in a few months he lost the weight.

Entering his bedroom, Johnny bends down so he can sit Sehun on the bed. Instead, he feels a tightening around his neck as Sehun clings to him. 

“Just hold me for a bit longer,” comes Sehun’s request.

“Of course. Anything for you, Hunnie.” 

It’s the first time in months that he’s used the affectionate nickname. He feels like it’s needed to really reinforce his words. He wishes he could repeat the words for infinity because it’s true. He would do anything for Sehun. He loves him and he would go to the ends of the earth for him.

In silence, Johnny holds Sehun. He settled on the edge of the bed with Sehun in his lap, keeping him cradled close to his chest. Sehun keeps his head nestled in the crook of Johnny’s neck. He feels safe like this, soaking up Johnny’s body heat while the said male’s head is resting on top of his.

“You know, I’m not letting you sleep in those jeans,” says Johnny, breaking the peaceful quiet they had fallen into. As much as he loves having Sehun back in his arms, it’s best he lies down now and sleep for more than just a few minutes.

“I don’t want to move,” murmurs Sehun. His words come out hushed. By now, he doesn’t even have the strength and effort to speak any louder.

“Don’t worry, I’ll do most of the work for you. I’ll just set you down.”

Johnny stands up to do just that. He turns so that he’s facing his bed. He places Sehun down on it, making sure his head is comfortably arranged on the pillow. Done, he turns to his dresser in order to pull out clothes for Sehun.

Thankfully, the two of them are around the same height, so it’s easy for Sehun to wear Johnny’s clothes. He picks out a pair of sweatpants and returns to Sehun’s side. Johnny helps Sehun out of his jeans before Johnny is shimmying the sweatpants up his legs. The most Sehun has to do is lift his hips.

“How do you feel?” Johnny asks, towering over Sehun. After dressing him in sweats, Johnny asked if he wanted a shirt, which he denied even though it’s winter. Johnny knows what Sehun wants to achieve by not wearing a shirt from a mile away.

“Fine, just tired,” Sehun replies honestly. Johnny has done a fantastic job of taking care of him and he couldn’t be more grateful for it. He wishes Johnny didn’t have to do this, but he’s the only one Sehun can fully trust. He’s the only one Sehun can come to for comfort.

“Good. I’m gonna get a few things and then I’ll be right back, okay?” 

“Okay.”

Johnny exits the room and heads back into the living room. He frowns at the drops of blood that soaked into the couch. He’ll have to clean those once Sehun leaves. He hates having reminders of these encounters. Seeing stray drops of blood always reminds him that this time seeing Sehun could be his last.

Turning his attention away from the couch, he walks over to the floor where he made Sehun lay. He picks up his water bottle followed by the painkillers. The rest of the clean up can be held off until he wakes up later. 

The last thing he needs to do is relock the door and turn off the light. In the pitch black, Johnny maneuvers his way to the light that’s shining from his bed room. Almost as if Sehun felt his presence, his eyes open into little slits before he manages to pry them all the way open when Johnny re-enters.

“Will you sleep with me?” Sehun asks. They always do when Sehun comes to Johnny. Out of all the times, Johnny has never once left Sehun alone and slept elsewhere. Still, Sehun asks just so he can hear the verbal confirmation. 

“You know I will,” responds Johnny, voice full of genuine fondness.

Johnny sets the water and pain medication on his nightstand for easy access. From his digital clock, the numbers 3:24 glow at him. He glances away from the time so he can focus on shedding his shirt. After flicking the light switch, he crawls into bed from the other side.

He tugs the thick comforter over the both of them, enveloping them in a snug little cocoon. Without hesitation, Johnny molds himself to Sehun’s back. He drapes an arm over Sehun’s side, being extra mindful of his fingers so that they don’t accidentally brush against his injury. 

The skin to skin contact serves to ground and soothe both of them. They bask in each other’s warm skin as they lay silent. They don’t need any more words. Sehun can detect all of Johnny’s emotions just by how tight he presses into his back almost as if he wants to be permanently attached. He can detect it with the way Johnny’s fingertips trace around his skin in comforting lines. 

Sehun knows how gross he currently is with his unwashed hair and his dirty skin. Still, Johnny pays no mind as the scent of his shampoo drifts faintly to Sehun’s nose. Johnny’s hair has gotten longer since the last he’s seen him. It’s long enough to put into a manbun. If Sehun wasn’t about to pass out from exerting himself to get his apartment, he would have told Johnny how amazing he looks with this hair style.

“Will you stay?” breathes out Johnny. Sehun feels his exhales on the back of his neck. 

“I don’t know.”

They both know what the real answer is. It just hurts Sehun too much to flat out say no and it hurts Johnny too much to hear it. Sehun wishes he could stay, stay for hours after they both wake up from a fitful sleep. He wants to make breakfast with Johnny followed by lounging on the couch together just watching TV. Doing something so simple and average is all that Sehun wishes for.

Despite the heaviness of the words, Johnny continues his gentle strokes along Sehun’s bare skin. Sehun melts into the body pressed against him. Here like this with Johnny is where he feels the safest. He feels invincible, like the world is a beautiful place and no harm will ever come to again.

He knows it’s an illusion for as soon as he steps foot outside of Johnny’s apartment, there’s no telling what will happen next. Out in the streets Sehun has to keep a constant eye out. He has to take frequent peeks over his shoulder for his own safety and his own paranoia telling him to do so. He’s not the same Sehun as he is in Johnny’s presence at all. 

Sehun forces himself to block off all thoughts that involve the outside world. Johnny’s hold on him is protective. If Sehun dreams he knows that Johnny will ward off any nightmares that threaten to plague them. He already experiences enough nightmares when he’s awake, he doesn’t need to be haunted when he’s asleep either.

To lull himself into sleep, he replays his favorite memories with Johnny.

He thinks about all the times Johnny had taken him to festivals where their stomachs became sick from feasting so much and they stayed out way too late just enjoying the atmosphere and taking in the sights and other happy people.

He always thinks about the time when Johnny told him all about where he grew up. Sehun has never been outside of the country, and he would love to experience more than just South Korea. Johnny promised one day he would take Sehun to Chicago and he could meet his parents and see with his own two eyes the places Johnny has told him all about. He prays that one day it will actually happen. He’s doing everything he currently can to make it happen.

Sehun also replays all those random times Johnny had kissed him for no reason. Sehun guesses they are boyfriends, though he’s not doing a very good job at being one when he disappears for any length of time. Even if Johnny doesn’t think they are actually boyfriends, Sehun loves no one else. The soft touches, the whispered words, the fond gazes are reserved for Johnny Suh only.

Gradually, Sehun feels heavier and heavier. He can still feel the faint touch of Johnny’s fingers, still absentmindedly running them over his skin even minutes later. Everything starts to consume Sehun and he finally allows his body to fully go lax and let darkness pull him under.

Johnny kept the same pace and light touches knowing it would coax Sehun into a comfortable sleep. He whispers Sehun’s name nearly half an hour later and receives no response. He feels satisfied knowing Sehun is asleep for good now. Though, knowing this, he still continues to pet along the pale skin.

He’s exhausted, but he forces himself to stay awake for just a bit longer. He wants to feel Sehun while he’s still here. He won’t let go even in his sleep, but he wants to savor this before he leaves again for an undetermined amount of time. 

Only when the clock reads 4:02 does Johnny finally give in to himself and wills himself to sleep. His hand stills, but remains placed securely on Sehun’s side. He’s still plastered to Sehun’s back while their legs are tangled together. Johnny hopes that he can have this again sooner rather than later. He hopes that Sehun will only leave him for a few days, two weeks at most instead of three whole months. He can’t take that kind of absence from him again.

Johnny startles awake from a dream. In it he and Sehun were about to board a flight to the States. Sehun kept looking at his passport and ticket in disbelief as they waited to be let on. Johnny didn’t understand why he looked so shocked when he told him many times he would take him to his hometown. Finally, their boarding passes were scanned and they shuffled onto the plane. Sehun had the biggest grin on his face when the plane started to lift off the ground. 

Once the fog in his brain dissipates, Johnny realizes he still has Sehun snuggled in his arms. Johnny can feel the rise and fall of his chest as he continues to sleep. Johnny lifts his head enough to spot his clock. 7:43.

He knows the sun has risen by now and it’s apparent with how his room is no longer pitch black. Each time he’s woken up Sehun was no longer with him. Johnny curses his deep sleep and Sehun’s stealthy abilities to unravel himself from Johnny’s clutches. 

Almost as if he summoned it, Johnny hears Sehun take a deep inhale. He must have woken up. Johnny decides to feign sleep. It will be less painful to pretend he’s still out like a light rather than to beg Sehun to stay with him and watch him still walk away.

Sehun doesn’t move for a few minutes and Johnny wonders if he just randomly woke up but decided to go back to sleep again. That is until he feels the bed start to shift as Sehun maneuvers out of Johnny’s arm.

It takes all of Johnny’s willpower to allow Sehun to pick up his wrist and place it on the bed like he’s made of glass. He wants nothing more than to tug Sehun back to his chest and keep him wrapped tight in his arms. He’s freezing now without Sehun against him and he has to suppress a shiver.

He resists the urge to open his eyes when he feels Sehun remove himself from the bed, his actions slow so he doesn’t cause too much movement in case he wakes up Johnny, not knowing he already is. Johnny then feels the comforter being tucked back around him, keeping the heat trapped and keeping Johnny warm. 

“I’m sorry,” he hears Sehun whisper. “I’m so sorry.”

Johnny debates if he should just drop the act, but decides against it. He never knew Sehun spoke to him while he was still sleeping. His voice is low, and Johnny swears he can hear him choking back a cry. His heart clenches tightly.

“I promise I want to be with you, forever.” Johnny feels his hair being stroked. The touch is barely there, but Johnny knows, again, it’s because he doesn’t want to wake him. “I’m doing everything I can to come back to you and stay. I wish I could tell you everything. Just hold on. Just a bit longer.”

Johnny can barely hold back the tears that are springing up. He wants to grab Sehun’s hand and press kisses to each finger tip. He wants to shower him with the love he knows Sehun thinks he doesn’t deserve even when he is the most deserving. He wants to do so many things, but there he still lies pretending with all his will power that he’s still in deep sleep. He doesn’t think Sehun suspects that he’s listening to every word since he’s still speaking in whispers. 

“I wanted to tell you this, but your hair looks really good like this. I hope it’s still this length when I see you next.” Johnny feels a few more pets along his hair, Sehun’s fingers lightly dragging through his longer locks. 

He almost breaks then and there when he feels a warm pair of lips against his forehead. They linger for a few seconds before the sensation is gone. Johnny remains silent even as he hears Sehun plucking out pain killers and taking a mouthful of water.

“I love you,” Sehun finally admits. His voice is still a whisper, but this time it floats from across the room. If a car honked at that moment, Johnny would have never heard it, but he did. He heard those three words crystal clear. 

Johnny listens for the subtle squeak of the bedroom door being opened before he hears it softly shutting a second later. Johnny allows his eyes to open, his held back tears spilling over. They stream down the side of his face, creating a wet patch on his pillow.

He stays like that for minutes, frozen in place. He knew he couldn’t move right away because Sehun still had to collect his things before he left the apartment. He just lets his tears run free while he tries his best to muffle his cries and sniffles into the comforter in case Sehun was still around.

Only when half an hour has passed does Johnny assume Sehun left and is on his way to God knows where. He sits up in the bed, the comforter sliding down and pooling in his lap. The hollow, lonely feeling is back and stronger than ever. 

Sehun said he loves him. Johnny knows he feels the same way, but didn’t want to voice it out loud in case it scared Sehun away. The words only made his desire to hold Sehun forever even deeper. He can’t bear it any longer letting him walk away. 

Next time he sees Sehun, ‘I love you’ will be the first thing coming out of Johnny’s mouth. Now that he knows that he won’t scare Sehun away, he will say it a billion times, over and over again. He just has to be patient, no matter much it will kill him. Sehun whispered to him that he would just have to wait a little bit longer. He hopes he means those words literally, but he has the utmost faith and trust in Sehun.

If Sehun said to hold on just a bit longer for Johnny to have him forever, then Johnny will do exactly that. He will hold on, knowing all of his dreams might soon turn into reality.

**Author's Note:**

> I am accepting my fate of writing Sehun/ Johnny even though it seems like barely any one ships them. I have another Sehun/ Johnny fic that I am writing that I am hoping to post, and I hope more ideas for this ship will come to me. Anyway, I hope you have enjoyed reading! Let me know what you thought!!


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